Did you feel a rumble yesterday? If so, it was likely because the SASS-O-METER over here was at a full 10 on the toddler scale.
And it all came to a head when Miss P refused to clean up a toy. I should mention that this toy isn’t just an ordinary toy, but one that explodes these colorful little pegs all over the place – pegs that blanketed my kitchen floor as I tried to walk around them during witching hour, with a fussy baby in my arms. Pegs that bring the pain of that equivalent to stepping on legos. Pegs that needed to be picked up, STAT.
She kept tossing them everywhere and I had enough of asking her nicely. As if in slow motion, these words escaped my lips: “If you don’t clean these pegs up right now I AM GOING TO THROW THE WHOLE TOY AWAY IN THE GARBAGE”.
I heard the words in slow motion, felt them sliding out of my throat, and saw myself yelling “NOOOOOO” while grabbing frantically, desperately at them, trying to stuff them back into my face. But it was too late. They hung in the air between us while Miss P stopped in her tracks, blinking at me.
Should we play “What Happened Next?”
A) obediently pick up each and every peg from off of the floor and put it back in its place,
B) throw an epic tantrum expressing her love for said toy, beg me not to throw it in the garbage, and then pick up all the pegs, OR
C) call my bluff by flicking one final peg up into the air while never breaking eye contact, then run the other direction?
I think we all know the answer to this riddle.
Where did this leave us? Well, I was left no choice but to collect the pieces, calmly walk to the trash, and one by one drop the pegs and the board in the garbage. And Miss P (shocker alert!) barely watched me do it, nor cared, because she is FREAKING TWO and was already onto the next toy. (Imagine that!)
Sometimes, keeping your word means you have to do crazy bitch things, but that you do them in a calm, controlled manner. Like throwing a perfectly good toy into the trash can.
Oh, but it doesn’t end there, because after her bedtime – you know, the only small amount of time per day that I don’t have to tend to the every need of small children, where I try to cram my entire work/other life into 2-3 hours – I spent that time digging these obnoxious pegs out of the trash. This was followed by washing them, and drying them (so I can donate them, not to give them back to her) while she slept peacefully in her crib giving precisely -10 fucks about the toy or any of what just happened.
Basically, I REALLY SHOWED HER.